Mad Men

Today it was decreed that no one is allowed to be the least bit shocked that the TV show Mad Men is a critical hit and that, regardless of this fact, no one watches it.  

Critical hit because:

1.  Deep characters.

2.  Complex storyline.

3.  Accurately estimated depictions of historical events and times.

4.  Involves greasy hair.

5.  Quaint cultural references only understood by people who know something about history.

6.  No good guy.  As a corollary, No bad guy.

7.  Ends on an ambiguous yet unsurprising note.

8.  It's on AMC.

No one watches it because:

1.  Deep characters.

2.  Complex storyline.

3.  Accurately estimated depictions of historical events and times.

4.  Involves greasy hair.

5.  Quaint cultural references only understood by people who know something about history.

6.  No good guy.  As a corollary, No bad guy.

7.  Ends on an ambiguous yet unsurprising note.

8.  It's on AMC.

And yet the critics are surprised that no one watches, and the people who don't watch it have no idea what all the fuss is about.

Another interesting option, if you reject my theory, is that Mad Men is unsuccessful because it has been poorly marketed.  And if you have the slightest idea of what Mad Men is about... that there is some powerful irony.

An Apple a Day

Earlier this semester I stumbled upon a little-understood scientific which is essentially an experiment in the additive or multiplicitive property of the health benefits of Malus Sylvestris, more commonly known as the "apple."

It is well known and accepted that one apple a day will keep the doctor away.  The reason behind this is that the skin of the apple contains many vitamin-rich compounds which aid, chiefly, in repressing various ailments, such as the common cold, smallpox, and death.  The scientific community has only recently began to observe and categorize the effects of multiple apples a day, and what they have found so far is truly astounding.  It appears as though ingesting an increasing number of apples, through either oral mastication or straight-to-the-heart apple juice injections, acts as a panacea for all diseases currently known by man.  While two apples a day can accomplish this, it is my scientific opinion that three is the optimal number, just to be safe.  

I therefore humbly present this decree and hypothesis both to the academic community and the world:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Three apples a day makes you immortal.